The answer to the question “Who wins?” should be at the heart of every conscious decision we make. Knowing who wins helps us evaluate the options available to us with the express intent of assuring that everyone benefits…even though no one gets everything they want.
Decisions made without this express intent usually produce unintended, unpleasant results. The following examples illustrate this point; these examples are taken from three very different perspectives:
- Business
- Societal
- Relationship
Let’s examine each separately.
Business
In business, the answer to who wins should be both the customer and the business. Failing to consider both parties produces undesired results.
The first example is the Daimler/Chrysler merger. The financial press touted it as a great move because, in their terms, the potential cost savings was huge. What Daimler/Chrysler leaders and the financial press forgot to consider was: How does the customer benefit?
Daimler’s and Chrysler’s customers are very different. Their interests are different, their income levels dramatically different. Chrysler customers would have felt very uncomfortable entering a Mercedes dealership and Daimler customers would have resented the presence of Chrysler customers who could never afford the cars on display. This dichotomy resulted in leadership of the combined companies trying to satisfy two markets without confusing both markets.
If, as was later reported, the rationale was for Daimler to benefit from Chrysler’s fast product development capabilities, this could have been accomplished through a joint venture in the product development effort. There was no reason to merge the companies and, in doing so, confuse two markets about what the merged company represented.
Contrast the Daimler/Chrysler experience with Cisco Systems, a company that has grown through frequent acquisitions, but with a strong customer focus. Cisco acquires companies that have developed new technologies, then allows them to operate autonomously…as they had previously. This enables Cisco’s customers to enjoy the trust and confidence of the Cisco brand while gaining access to the latest technologies. Both customers and Cisco win.
Societal
We live in a time of great emotional upheaval where the ugliest part of our human nature is not only exposed, but encouraged. The advent of social media, 24-hour news cycles and changes in the law have resulted in the egocentric, divisive and judgmental society we experience today.
Social media, which I believe was originally intended to bring together geographically-distant family and friends, has become a forum where people have become more distant, egocentric and rigid in their thinking.
The drive by social media companies to gain membership was done without regard to the societal implications of having created and perpetuated an environment of social discord. Instead of connecting family and friends, social media enabled people to create false images of their lives in order to impress others or, for the more radically inclined, to espouse their beliefs as if they were gospel. In essence, people began lobbing verbal grenades at one another instead of engaging in discussions with the intent to find common ground on which to build.
In a similar fashion, the abandonment of a Federal Communication Commission regulation that required news reports to be balanced has led to “news” agencies becoming biased in their reporting e.g. conservative favor Fox, liberals MSNBC because each affirms their beliefs.
The result is that we, as a society, have lost the ability to respect one another’s values, beliefs and choices…whether we agree with them or not. We have lost the ability to explore ideas with others without judging either the person or the idea. We’ve lost the ability to find a basis for compromise, to craft mutually-beneficial solutions and, in doing so, forming strong, long-lasting relationships with one another.
The message here is that no matter how well-intentioned our initial efforts were, we have to continue to ask ourselves who wins as we move forward.
I don’t want to suggest that we, as individuals, are blameless. We choose to participate in social media. We choose to listen to only those who affirm our beliefs and share our indignation at what we find objectionable. We judge without examining whether or not opposing ideas have any validity…not only the idea, but the person espousing the idea.
One of the most valuable lessons I learned in college was that there is always validity to some aspects of opposing positions. A professor had the class choose any controversial topic and write a 500-word paper on it. Then he required us to write another 500-word paper opposing our original position. That lesson was learned almost 60 years ago…to give you a sense for how profound a lesson it was for me.
In a speech to 120 high school students in a Kiwanis leadership program, I cautioned about the dangers of social media and “news” media and their tendency to sensationalize for the express purpose of triggering and perpetuating emotions that result in rigid thinking and judgment. One of the students told me later that he had already begun to distance himself from social media, but, after hearing my message, was going to distance himself even more.
Relationships
Our personal relationships have suffered because we have become so committed to winning, to being right and proving others wrong. Our desire to be right prevents us from exploring ways in which we can find:
- Common ground on which to build.
- Mutually-beneficial solutions to the problems we face.
- Mutual respect even when we disagree.
The good news is that I’m seeing signs of the pendulum swinging back from social media to more personal contact. Schools are preventing the use of phones. Studies are showing that students are happier and feel less stress when they’re off their phones.
With the fear of the pandemic behind us, people are becoming increasingly desirous of human connection. We are social beings and we thrive in when connected to others. To satisfy this desire we must treat each other with respect…whether we agree or not. We must choose to find solutions in which all parties win at least some of what they desire. We must retrain our minds to explore without judgment…judging neither the idea or the person espousing it.
Good news
The good news is that good always prevails in the long-run. We may experience periods, as we are now, in which we forget to consciously decide who wins and assure that everyone wins to some degree.
These dark periods are typically short-lived even though they don’t seem so as we live them. The reason they’re short-lived is that good increases energy while evil (in the form of forgetting to answer who wins) exhausts.
As I said, I’m already seeing signs that we’re moving away from the egocentric behaviors we’ve been employing and into the more other-centric behaviors in which we choose to assure that all parties win to some degree.
Takeways
Before deciding a course of action, whether in business, in societal actions or your personal relationships, make sure that you’re:
- Making a conscious decision.
- Asking who wins.
That way you’ll increase the likelihood of a good decision.
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Resources
Making the EXCEPTIONAL Normal program helps you identify and nurture emerging leaders who elevate all around them to higher levels of performance and greater job enjoyment.
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