Networking: Gift Or Transaction?

Is your networking focusing on giving gifts or creating transactions?

Background

A long-time friend repeatedly said “I gave {fill in the blank] 3 or 4 referrals and never received any in return.”

I’m sure that any of you who have been around for awhile have had a similar experience. The question is: Why?

My contention

I contend that the reason is that my friend, and others experiencing similar results, are trying to create a transaction rather than giving a gift.

Transaction

When we give with an expectation of receiving something in return, we are attempting to create a transaction…without getting prior approval from the other party. In other words, we expect the other party to participate in a transaction which they neither requested nor agree to.

I’m certain that some of you are thinking: Not true, I give without requesting anything in return. Are you really? Even though you may not express an expectation of getting something back from the other party, they can sense whether you’re giving with or without expectation. It’s obvious in the tone and tenor of your demeanor.

Think back to a time when someone offered you something and you sensed that they expected something in return…even though you hadn’t requested what they offered. How did you react? My guess is that you resisted their offer. Or, if you accepted, you didn’t provide what they expected in return. Why? Because none of us likes feeling trapped into doing something we don’t desire.

Let’s contrast these feelings with those we have when we receive a gift.

Gift

When we receive a gift from someone who has no expectation of getting anything in return, we want to reciprocate. Robert Cialdini, in his book Influence: Science and Practice, calls this the law of reciprocity. When someone does something nice for us, or we do something nice for them, the recipient wants to do something nice in return.

The key here is the phrase “no expectation of getting anything in return.” The late Jim Rohn said that the enlightened among us give without expecting anything in return…knowing that we’ll be repaid from somewhere in the universe.

That’s been my experience. I often tell people that I’m always behind the giving curve, that no matter how much I give it comes back to me in multiples. One of the ways that I experience this is that it has been decades since I’ve had to ask for help. When I tell people what I want to achieve, they ask: “How can I help?”

The only explanation I can come up for these offers of help is that I give with no expectation of getting anything in return…although I get a great deal in return from other sources…in ways I didn’t imagine. I get joy from helping someone who is struggling. I get a closer bond with that person. I get a sense of being both valued and valuable. In other words, I feel that my life has purpose.

Effective networking

Over the years I’ve discovered that my networking is effective, i.e. I am remembered favorably, when I’m:

• Looking for resources to whom I can refer my clients knowing that they’ll be taken care of the way that I would have taken care of them.
• I give without expecting anything in return. That gift might be a referral, a resource, an insight, a different perspective, or an opportunity they may be overlooking.

Looking for resources takes me out of the sales mode. When others realize that I’m not trying to sell them anything, their defenses go down and their interest goes up.

When I give without expecting anything in return, I become trustworthy, caring and, potentially, their friend. I also become memorable which means that if later they learn of someone who could use my help, they’ll refer me or at least give me a call.

Takeaways

Make your networking about giving, not creating transactions.

People resist attempts to be engaged in transactions they didn’t seek, nor desire.

You become favorably memorable when you offer gifts without expecting anything in return.

Your networking becomes more effective when you approach it with the intent of:

• Gaining new resources.
• Giving without expecting anything in return.

Offer gifts instead of seeking transactions and you’ll enjoy greater success more quickly in both your business and personal life.

If you’ve found this post helpful, please share it with your friends. It’s a great way to let them know how much you care.

If you’d like the leaders in your organization to learn how to use the numbers more effectively and dramatically improve the productivity of your workforce, contact me to learn more about these resources:

Resources

Making the EXCEPTIONAL Normal program helps you identify and nurture emerging leaders who elevate all around them to higher levels of performance and greater job enjoyment.

Financial Awareness & Strategy program where employees learn to identify opportunities to improve financial results and prioritize these opportunities on the basis of which produces the greatest impact with the least effort. Greater financial awareness = Better decisions.