Generally Speaking

As a leader, there are two words that I suggest you eliminate from your vocabulary: generally speaking.

Generally speaking implies a commonality that narrows your focus and creates assumptions that are often wrong; especially in your dealings with colleagues. Generally speaking ignores the uniqueness of each individual, their life experiences and their varying values and behaviors.

Here are a few examples to illustrate my point.

Examples

I was a breakout speaker at a conference in which virtually the entire audience was made up of women. During dinner on the first night of the conference, a comedian presented himself as every woman’s ideal man. His routine centered on aligning himself with the behaviors normally associated with women.

The following morning, at breakfast, I commented on how much I enjoyed his routine. The woman next to me responded saying: “He lost me at cuddling.” Generally speaking, women enjoy cuddling, but that wasn’t true for this woman…and I suspect that she’s not alone.

Generally speaking, men are more mechanically inclined than women. Yet, my wife is handier than I am. Her dad was into woodworking and she helped him on many of his projects. My dad was a highly-skilled automotive mechanic. Yet, I exhibited little interest in mechanical things and he, after dealing with mechanical issues all day, wasn’t inclined to do more during his time away from work. The result: my wife is handier than I am.

The shyness and social insecurities of my youth resulted in my becoming an avid student of human nature, human behavior…something I continue to this day. As I observe psychologists’ videos, I’m struck by how often they make bold claims on how to deal with various personality traits and behaviors when, in my opinion, they’re speaking generally. To me, the danger is that people with little or no training, who watch these videos, could make situations worse because the person they’re trying to help doesn’t fit the generally-speaking norm.

At this point, you’re probably wondering: What’s the alternative?

Generally-speaking alternative

The first thing to recognize is that prefacing what we’re about to say with generally speaking is a natural tendency we all have by virtue of our humanity. The good news is we can train our minds to overcome our natural tendencies.

One of the easiest ways to retrain our minds away from using “generally speaking” is to begin our day by reminding ourselves that we’re not going to use that phrase during the day. Instead, we’re going to ask the other person their thoughts on the topic being discussed. That will give us a sense for where they are and, often, what led them to that perspective. These insights help us deal more effectively with whatever situation we’re facing.

At the end of the day, shortly before retiring, revisit the day…twice. The first review of your day is focused on the successes you had during the day in avoiding using generally speaking. As part of this initial review, you’ll realize how much more quickly and effectively you were able to deal with the situation and how you were able to enhance your relationship with the other person by avoiding the generally-speaking mindset.

Your second review focuses on those instances in which you used “generally speaking;” not from the standpoint of berating yourself, but with the intent to learn what you’d do differently when faced with that situation again. This latter approach prepares your mind to avoid using “generally speaking” in the future.

Follow this daily routine of reminding yourself not to use generally speaking in your dealings with others, then reviewing your performance with the express intent of learning how to become more effective in avoiding the use of generally speaking, and you’ll find that within a week or two avoiding generally speaking has become a habit that serves both you, and those with whom your communicate, well.

Takeaways

“Generally speaking” makes assumptions that are often wrong because generalization ignores the uniqueness of each individual, their life experiences and their varying values and behaviors.

An alternative to using generally speaking is to ask others their thoughts on what’s being discussed to gain insights into what they’re thinking and how they developed that perspective.

Develop the habit of avoiding the phrase generally speaking, by reminding yourself, at the beginning of each day, not to use that phrase. Then, at the end of the day reviewing your successes and what you learned from those instances in which you weren’t successful.

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Resources

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