Failure To Communicate

The full line from the movie, Cool Hand Luke, “What we have here is failure to communicate,” brought to mind a number of examples of the types of problems that occur when we fail to communicate. Here are some examples.

Business

I was teaching Accounting & Finance for Non-Financial Managers to a client’s leadership team when one leader looked to another and said: “That’s why you keep asking for that information. Now that I know why you need it, I’ll make sure that you get it.”

The executive director of a non-for-profit school wanted to communicate to parents that there wouldn’t be a tuition increase this year, after a double-digit increase the prior year. The finance chair wanted to require parents to sign up for automatic withdrawal to save work associated with depositing checks and making calls to parents delinquent in their payment. The executive director resisted because she didn’t want to impose new requirements on parents after the hefty tuition increase the previous year.

As a CFO, my blood would boil whenever someone asked how a project was progressing. I had this attitude: “I’ve never let you down so why are you hounding me about this project.”

Personal

A woman, who was very successful in her career, wanted to design jewelry as a business, but felt an obligation to her husband to continue to bring in her income.

One of the fondest vacation memories a woman had was of she and her sister being able to ride horses on their own at a Wyoming ranch. She wanted a horse, but never communicated her desire to anyone.

Lessons

In the first example, we see that what was missing in the communication was why. Because the recipient of the request didn’t know why it was important to the other person, it never became important to him. Letting people know why something is important to you helps them understand the urgency of the request.

The executive director and the finance chair never looked for ways to blend their individual goals. Each was rigid in their position to the point of not exploring options. The solution was simple, use the cost savings associated with automatic withdrawals to help parents see the savings for them in terms of future tuition increases.

After many years of this wrong-headed thinking, I realized that my failure to communicate was causing my frustration. The party asking for an update had no way of knowing whether I was working on the project or had forgotten it. Nor did they have any idea of when the project might be completed. When I shifted to giving weekly, unsolicited updates, we were all happier.

In the first personal example, I asked the woman if she had discussed her interests with her husband. She looked away and sheepishly replied no. I told her that it was likely that her husband would want her to pursue her interests and, together, they’d find a way to deal with the finances. She called later to tell me that her husband’s response was exactly what I had suggested.

The solution in the second personal example was much the same. When the woman’s husband learned that his wife wanted a horse, he said “Let’s go get one.” When she expressed concern about the cost, not only of acquiring a horse, but the upkeep as well, he said “We can always find a way to make money.” She got her horse.

Takeaways

All too often the failure to communicate results from the assumptions we make about others’ reactions or our perceived responsibility to them…assumptions that we never verify because we don’t ask. That was certainly true in the two personal examples.

When making a request of others, let them know why it’s important. Often the importance isn’t obvious to them, consequently they assume that it’s “nice to have” rather than an essential element of what’s needed.

When at odds with another on an issue, pause and ask yourself: How can I blend these goals? The more the other party realizes that you’re trying to help them get what they want, the greater the likelihood that they’ll participate in finding ways for you to get what you want.

When frustrated by others’ behavior, as I was, look at what you’re doing that’s contributing to your frustration. One of the things that I’ve discovered over the years is that I contribute to every problem that I face. When i realize what my contribution is, it’s easier to find a solution.

These are a few of the examples of how a failure to communicate negatively impacts our lives. Take a few minutes to review disappointing results you’re getting; then ask yourself: What am I failing to communicate?

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