Dealing With Time Wasters

The time wasters I’m referring to are the people in your life who waste your time and energy.

Time-waster anatomy

Each of us has people in our lives who appear to want help with whatever challenge they’re facing, yet they never act upon the advice given them.

Background

I recently found myself in a group of people who all expressed a desire to improve. They were consistently provided with advice that would have helped them deal with the challenge they were facing; not just from me, but from other members of the group as well.

In subsequent meetings, they’d express the same challenge, get advice (some similar to what they’d received previously as well as new approaches), then bring the same challenge to the following meeting. In other words, they repeatedly chose not to act on the advice they’d been given. They were wasting everyone’s time…including their own.

This begs the question: What do you do in situations like this?

Dealing with time wasters

My natural inclination is to just stop associating with time wasters. I resist that inclination and before walking away, I make them aware that they’re making choices whether they realize it or not.

I tell them that their choice not to act on the advice they’ve received is a choice often made subconsciously and that subconscious choices are often born of emotion. Choices, and any other decisions, made while in an emotional state are typically the worst choices we make.

Then I suggest that they make a conscious choice to either act on the advice they’ve been given or not. If they decide that they don’t want to act on advice received, then I exit the relationship.

I’m not going to allow them to waste my time and diminish my energy any longer. Another way to look at it is: I care more about their welfare than they do and that mismatch means that no matter what I do, I can’t help them because they don’t want to be helped. That’s okay. They have the right to choose what they want in life. If they choose the status quo, that’s their right.

Similarly, I have the right to choose not to attempt to help people who don’t really want to be helped…a choice I make whenever I come to realize that I care more than they do.

Takeways

I had originally planned on titling this post: Avoid Time Wasters. The reality is that we can’t avoid them because we can’t tell at a glance who’s willing to be helped and who isn’t. We need some experience with them, some frame of reference, to determine into which category they fall.

The key to avoiding a lot of wasted time and energy is to quickly identify who’s willing to do the work to overcome their challenge and who isn’t. Early signs that they aren’t serious about being helped are when they:

• Repeatedly tell you that they’ve tried everything you’re suggesting.
• Respond with “yeah, but.”

When they repeatedly tell you that what you’re suggesting has been tried and hasn’t worked; it’s doubtful they have tried everything you’ve suggested because if they had, they wouldn’t still have the problem.

“Yeah, but” responses are indications that they are moving the target on you. In other words, their yeah buts are a way of avoiding the advice you’re giving…of avoiding taking action that will resolve their problem.

As soon as you realize that they’re avoiding acting to solve their problem, make them aware that they’re making a choice. Feel free to use the language I mentioned above.

I believe that everyone deserves a reminder that they’re:

• Making choices whether they realize it or not.
• Choosing subconsciously (born of emotion) and these are typically poor choices.
• Going to get better results when they make a conscious decision about whether or not to take the action necessary to solve the problem.
• Regardless of the conscious choice they make, they’ll be happier with that choice.

Once you’ve delivered this reminder and find that the person is still unwilling to act, it’s time to exit gracefully, wishing them well, but extracting yourself from time wasters who choose not to be helped. Extracting yourself will save you a lot of time and avoid the energy drain that these folks would impose on you.

If you’ve found this post helpful, please share it with your friends. It’s a great way to let them know how much you care.

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