Calm ➠ Effective

Have you noticed that the most effective problem solvers are also the most calm people you’ve ever met? Ever wonder why that is or, more importantly, how they’re able to remain calm in the face of adversity?

Before we answer these questions, let’s become clear on what it means to be calm.

Calm

Someone who is calm is unemotional and nonjudgmental.

Unemotional doesn’t mean that the person is devoid of emotion; it means that they don’t allow their emotions to detract from their ability to listen…without judgment.

Nonjudgmental

People who listen without judgment aren’t amoral…aren’t without values. Instead, they respect others’ rights to their values, beliefs and choices whether they agree with them or not.

Nonjudgmental people don’t view people and situations as being either right or wrong, good or bad. They’re simply something to be dealt with…with kindness and encouragement.

While you may see the advantages of both these aspects of calm, you may be wondering: Why do these qualities translate into effectiveness?

Effective

Calm people are effective because they:

1. Aren’t forming opinions before they hear the full story.
2. Aren’t biased toward one solution or another.
3. Aren’t looking for someone to blame. Instead, they consider all parties to be contributors to the problem.
4. Listen for lack of congruency between what’s being said and the actions they’re observing.
5. Listen for areas of agreement among all parties.

An unfortunate aspect of our humanity is that our emotions trigger bias which forms judgments before getting complete information. This tendency often results in our choosing sides. Doing so results in our labeling one party the culprit and the other the victim…even though all parties contributed to the problem..

Calm people also pick up on a lack of congruency between a person’s words and their actions. Identifying a lack of congruency between behaviors and words leads to quick solutions. That’s because people are often unaware that their words and actions don’t match. Calm people can point out this discrepancy and produce increased awareness on the part of the person who is exhibiting incongruent behavior. Calm people do this without judgment.

Remaining calm also helps the calm person identify areas of agreement which makes it easier for them to suggest ways to blend seemingly disparate positions into a solution that benefits all parties involved.

It’s these capabilities, these elements of calm, that make the calm among us so effective and so valuable.

Calm: a choice

It’s easy to dismiss the thought that we could be that calm person. “It’s not my nature, I’m too emotional, I’m not patient enough, I’m too judgmental,” are common refrains from people who are unwilling to do the work to be a calm person.

The reality is that we can be anything we choose to be…if we’re willing to do the work, work that’s less difficult than we imagine. Here are exercises that take only 15 minutes a day that will, within weeks, help you become decidedly calm and reap the rewards associated with being calm in the face of adversity.

Exercises

Each morning, shortly after rising, commit to being calm which means that you’ll be both unemotional and nonjudgmental.

Each evening, shortly before retiring, review your day twice. First, recall the times when you were successful in remaining calm and celebrate that success. Second, recall the times when you weren’t successful and ask yourself: How could I have handled that more calmly? This will help you become aware of emotional triggers that disturb your calm and provide you with new ways of dealing with them.

Repeat these exercises until calm becomes your default way of reacting to situations. You’ll be amazed that it takes only a few weeks to experience a measure of calm you never imagined possible. In doing so, you make yourself more valuable to all with whom you interact.

Takeaways

Being calm requires you to be unemotional and nonjudgmental.

Unemotional doesn’t mean that the person is devoid of emotion; it means that they don’t allow their emotions to detract from their ability to listen without judgment.

Nonjudgmental means avoiding viewing others and situations as good nor bad. Instead, you view them as simply something to be dealt with.

Being calm is a choice. All that’s required is a willingness to do daily exercises requiring just 15 minutes, or less, to train your mind to be calm regardless of the situation you’re facing.

Calm people are very effective and, as a result, highly valued.

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